眼泪，你到底怎么了……

最近，毫无理由的哭了起来
不断地寻找眼泪的来源到底是那里
最终还是无法解开这个难以解开的心里问题

压力吗？？活得不快乐？？
还是发现了现实的真面目？？还是觉得没自由了？？

感觉自己活在这世上是多余的
自以为自己很厉害可以寻找方向，怎知看看一下身边的人都已经垮了一大步，超越了自己
才发现原来自己什么都不是，也没有这种资格

也发现了
活在这世上是一件不容易的事

人类的性格都是矛盾的吗？？还是自私？？
身位人类的我也无法回答这个问题……

他们说
能感觉到累，才叫生活
每一天都觉得很累…… 
可是生活这个东西到底是什么来的？？

哈哈……自己又看衰自己了


好崩溃

好想逃避

Seoul Alone D-2

So I woke up at around 7.30am but it's already look like 10am!! I was shocked awake O.O" so I made myself awake and plan for my trip of the day.. 

Since my place near to Woolim Entertainment (Infinite/Tasty 's company), I don't know their CEO move the company to new place already or not but still I would like to visit their debut place and try my luck.. 

just try..

My korean roomate noona help me to search and teach me to ride which buses to there.. and I'm glad that I done it so well.. *big grin* My first time ever ride bus at Korea.. yet alone.. *look at my FB profile picture!! XD*

The best thing on the bus was at the front they have LED board showing that which station are you stop at so you no need to worry that u stop at wrong station, but still u MUST remember the name of the station that u want to go and also before ride the bus u must count the station that u pass by on the bus map to double confirm so if u don't remember which station u should stop at, u can counting on it..

I reach to the right station and follow my map to go inside the house area and I can't believe I did it!! I found their company (which I still don't know it still is or not) and look around walk around of the building.. no sign like staffs or fans going around.. I wonder if they move to new place or maybe they still at oversea.. (I remember they buzy for Japan showcase like donno how long..)

After survey around for awhile, on the way back to bus station.. I met an uncle which sitting on a roller chair and push hardly due to the road was unbalance, I want to offer my help to him but he was like gwenchanna, ka-seyo.. gwenchanna-seyo (it's alright.. just go.. I'm alright) and then I was like but.. but.. and he just smile and ask me continue my walking, he will be alright.. *sigh* I felt like I'm a loser.. X(

I ride bus and back to my place once again and ride the train to Cheongdam.. cause I want to visit SM, JYP and also Cube.. (usually people go Apgujeong station but I don't have the map for that, I only have Cheongdam to SM/JYP) Reach to Cheongdam, I was abit lost when I came out from station cause the road was big and I have a loooooooooooong way to walk to SM building.. like about 20-30mins IF u walked slowly and like to look around like me.. (10-15mins if u walk fast or normally.. ) so damn tired seriously!! X( and super duper HOT!!

I walked to behind building and I saw a guard house at there.. (I don't dare to go in) but I heard some noises like a bunch of boys playing around behind on it.. I CAN'T SEE WHO AT THERE!! and I'm so damn curious!! aarhh!!!!!

so I continue my journey to JYP building which also quite take some time cause I had no idea how to go.. I holding my GPS and walk like 15-20minutes to there.. ugh~ such a hard journey.. (p/s: pls search for good way to go before you go, like I said.. done your homework before u go) and I saw 2PM's manager.. the fans are waiting outside for 2PM since it was their comeback period..

Cube entertainment was just near to JYP building (like next opposite building only) I donno how to explain everything.. just stand at the Y junction and turn 360 u can see 3 of the them, JYP/Cube/Cube cafe.. yes 3 of them..

I'm so tired to find these places and quickly.. I went inside Cube cafe and order myself a cup of Iced Choco Latte.. and have a rest~~~~~ kya~~ \^A^/

so behind there's a way to the toilet, u can see the staff entrance way to go up to Cube Studio.. which is locked..

Then, next to the Cube cafe corner, the Cube Art Gallery located at there.. I visit there after 2 hours rest and plan to leave after visiting this..

and u know what.. when the time I almost leave, I saw a black van stop in front at cafe.. everyone got their attention to that van and freeze their moves.. at first we saw a guy came out from the van and went to opened another door.. and we saw GIKWANG came out from the van!!!!! The fans were so shocked but calm and want to take picture of him at the same time, but manager giving sign like cannot take picture.. so the fans sit back down and felt abit disappointed.. HE JUST WALKED IN FRONT OF ME to the staff entrance up to the Cube Studio.. I was shocked and I just stand there look at him, he looks so tired that time.. aww~ poor him T^T They gonna fly to Malaysia for AIA concert next 2 days.. X(

so just like that, I left since I already stand outside the cafe and its abit awkward standing outside alone.. and I had no energy waiting for the next member.. *mianhe~*

I back to my hostel one again and rest for awhile.. and I saw my roomate Lowine also came back at the same time, so we planned for the night trip together..

I know that Coffee Prince House was near to our hostel so we decide to go and find it, and I never thought that it just next few blocks to our building seriously!! Just like our neighbour, so damn near!!

You only can take pictures of the inside if u buy their food or beverage here.. if not, u only can take outside view only..

actually I want to take picture with a waiter but he's so buzy with the business, so he rejected us politely.. *sad, he so damn good looking u know.. *

after that, we ride bus to Idae (nickname: women's streets) and have a visit at there.. and there have so many street foods selling on the side street and u should try them!! especially those honey/spicy friend chicken!! Idae is a MUST go for girls or women, if u like shoes like heels, this place definitely opened for you.. XD

On the way back to hostel, we try and find a restaurant to have some dinner.. (which we did a really big mistake and we definitely went to wrong restaurant) I don't want to tell the details seriously, what can I tell was the big boss purposely intro us the most expensive food among the whole menu.. *speechless*

since me and Lowine don't want to go back so early, we found a cafe which located behind hostel and we choose to hang out there till late of midnight.. hehehehe

so that's it.. my second day of Seoul Alone ^^ *half of alone half of accompany..*

Seoul Alone D-1

It took me a lot of time to decide whether want to go Seoul alone or not.. It was suppose me and my friend travelling together, but 2 weeks before flying she told me she can't go due to her personal problem.. 
so..
that's my decision now..

Like seriously, I never truly travel oversea like so many times or so experiences.. this is my 2nd time flying oversea and last year Thailand trip was my first time.. I have Thai friend to help me at there but at Seoul, where should I find one in this so damn last minute moment??!! I was worried alot and I even went to Korea Plaza and asked for guidance.. but the funny thing is.. it doesn't help me at all.. ==" good job, spec guy..

So, the story starts here.. I decide to travel alone at the so called last minute and my friend encouraged me alot and asked me to don't worry about it and just enjoy myself, that's all..

Seriously like, I didn't do my homework at all, I just list some places that I know and planned them day by day..(this is not good idea pls don't learn from me, if u want travel pls do some homework and plan them perfectly before you go)

Hmm.. I woke at 3am morning and packed all of my things and get prepare to go to my neighbour's  who is a taxi driver, she fetch me and my friend go to LCCT which reach at 5am smthg..

Am I nervous?? Telling the truth.. NO.. and I don't know why..

Am I scare?? Yes?? Maybe?? No?? I don't know seriously.. I really don't know what should I scare seriously..

My friend sent me and wait for me fly off which the plane started flying at 8am.. *and woah, the yellow haze was so terrible that I can't see where my plane is seriously..* and that's it.. I'M FLYING TO SEOUL FOR 6 HOURS..!!

okay, my thought was like maybe I could have some chit chat with the person who sit next to me.. and it was JUST my thought only, but at the end.. NO people sit besides me and passengers around me were keep looking me like I'm a weird girl or what VIP princess with all those weird staring.. I'm so pity T^T *forever alone*

The 6 hours flying suffered me like hell, cause I keep smelling the nasi lemak when I'm hungry and baby keeps crying while I'm sleeping.. and my stomach starting pain too, I donno why.. maybe I was too hungry or too nervous for this journey.. I think quite a lot all the way to Seoul.. X(

After 6 hours flying..

and finally.. FINALLY!! I reach to Seoul!! My dream land, Korea!! I'm reach.. safe and sound!! but still.. it's a strange place to me.. I don't know where to go and where to get my luggage and no guidance.. so I follow the crowded and took the TRAIN to get my luggage (so convenient.. not like Malaysia one.. k la, cheap ticket ma..) and ho ho ho.. the airport is so damn big that I don't know where to get my wifi route and AREX.. I was walking and finding around like an hour to collect the things that I want.. *stupid heavy luggage, u killing me like hell!!*

Luckily my hostel located at Hongdae which AREX can reach to that station straightly and no transit at all.. I made a mistake during came out from the ticket booth, luckily got a women come and help me and I keep thanking her alot.. it just so kamsamidaaaaaaa~ TT^TT so touch~

I don't know how to describe the moment when I come out to the city, it's just so unreal when u reach to another place which u never visited before.. just like store portal.. it's un-describable feeling when I look around.. that time I realised and truly felt myself that I'm really standing at Seoul now.. *gan dong~*

Then I reach my hostel quickly and put my things down and meet my roomates and managers as well.. *ugh~ so tired that I need to carry my luggage all the way to 4th floor!! ugh!!* It felt so strange at 1st cause they're unknown person to me.. Luckily there's one roomate from France, her name is Lowine, she told me that she going to visit Cheonggye Waterfall tonight.. since I had no plan and no idea where to go so I decide to follow her to travel all along..

 The night street is seriously beautiful and crowded.. I love this kind of night..!!

After we walked so long from all the way for visiting around and finally we went back to hostel and rest immediately since we just arrived today.. I was so tired that even myself also surprise that I fall asleep so fast.. In the middle of the sleep, I heard a lot of noise and I feel someone sleeping above of my twins bed.. I opened my eyes a little and saw my hostel manager waving at me saying "Good Night~" at the door.. and I was like What the Hell is he doing here??!! But I was too tired for saying something that I already fall into sleep once again.. XD

So this is my first day of Seoul Alone trip..

To be continue~ ^^

I miss them

Tomorrow

is my first day for my new job

Although it was seriously low salary

but I still learn to accept it

I need to think as I came for learning not for money

But still.. I'm not happy

and it's not about money.. *Although it still is, cause everyone said that I'm been bullied by them seriously.. and I feel so hurt*

Since I came back from there

what I realized that

I never thought that we're living at such a worst place..

I felt like I wanna bring all around my family and friends to there

cause we no need to worry for the safety-ness everyday everywhere and every minute..

and we can hang out whenever we want and have fun everyday

I want to bring my friend to play water and capture alot nice pictures..

I want to bring my family to eat and enjoy as much as we want..

I want to hang out after having a stressful work and chit chat for the whole night till the next morning..

I want to do whatever I want and no need to worry for being targeted every time..

and I miss my oversea friends alot.. I want to talk whatever to them and release my stress out loud at terrace.. and I miss the night of the cold air.. even it's really cold but I like it so so much.. 

But.. when can I have that kind of life again..??

It's really hard seriously..

Sometime, Life is so damn cruel that we are forced to accept it..

Seoul Alone

Now almost 3am in the morning at Seoul..

Few more days I'm going back to my country..

I tried and learned so many things here..

and started get use to it now..

and I don't feel like going back anymore..

Here's really safe and I felt like so protected..

Now I know why so many people like to go another country, cause none of the Asia country is danger than mine one.. 

I met so many people and so many things at here..

even just now having chit chat with housemate.. we knew each other so well now.. It's really nice seriously..

I wonder when is the next time I will come here.. alone? or with friends?

No one knows.. 

I starting love this life.. although it is short..

I'm gonna miss this..

曾经在意过他

我跟我同事说我需要辅导，他就很积极地开始问我

你最后一个暗恋的人是在几时？？

我想一想，突然想不起我暗恋过谁，是在几时……

想了很久，想到一位

而我连自己也不知道我自己是不是喜欢他

可是就是对他有那个动感

他说话很粗鲁，脑袋很聪明

个子不高，可是又会搞笑

他不是我的菜，但很谈得来，跟他在一起一点都不闷

记得他很大声地骂我，而且是很过分的言语

那时我很生气，可是心里有点伤，但我们的冷战一天都不到，他就用一个“装作没事”的方法拉我离开这个冷战的气氛

他那时跟我说他喜欢坐在我隔壁的女生

心里有少少的吃醋，可是不并没在意，反而很支持他

有一次，我不小心背叛了他，不知为何我把那个女生和别人凑在一起，他很伤心

我不断地跟他道歉，他却说不是我的错，不会怪我

我觉得好愧疚

更有一次，有人和我说你喜欢我

我觉得并不可能，可是那个人说是你说的

心里想那应该是很久的事吧，因为我知道你喜欢的是她，而我只不过是一个外表上受人喜欢的小女孩，那些人是我了解我的都知道，我是那么的惹人厌，很多心机的女生

更好笑的事

我根本都不知道什么叫心机，人家说我心机重

我承认我脾气坏，可是心机这个东西我根本都不知道是什么

越想越讨厌自己……没人喜欢并不奇怪

以前我记得我是个开朗，不管别人说什么我都不管的一个女生，所以身边的人很留意我

现在

有谁会记得甚至会想起我这个人的存在的女生……

话说回来，他现在有了女朋友，他很开心，也不再一个人孤单了

恭喜他，希望他们的关系可以维持长长久久

祝福他们，身为你的朋友也为你高兴……

要好好地爱她，别让她受伤害，对她好一点，知道吗？？

接着，我同事说有一位同事在暗恋我，吓得我很不安

因为觉得是不可能的事

结果真的是开玩笑，让我松口气

不是说我不喜欢他还是什么，可是就是觉得不可能

最后，我跟他说我需要的辅导不是爱情，而是金钱

虽然对爱情迫不急待，但为了对的人，我愿意等待，不管有多久

青春

女生在青春的时期，都会想拍个青春照

来保留自己的青春回忆

而自己就想拍泡泡照，在泡泡梦幻的环境展现自己调皮的一面

虽然没什么机会实现，不过有机会在公园拍照是一件很好的事了

就在朋友的生日那天，拍下几张照片

虽然不像专业的摄影师一样地拍，不过对这些照片已经满意了

看到自己又胖又圆的

好像感觉自己不太适合拍照的感觉

留给自己看好了.. :(

谢谢朋友的邀请，让我有庆祝多一次的生日派对

很开心，爱死你们了